Have you ever been taken aback by the seemingly disproportionate amount of back-biting that seems to go on sometimes amongst a group of highly successful women who are in the same work or social group? Have you ever had a female boss who distances herself from supporting and mentoring more junior women?

This is actually a well known syndrome called 'Queen Bee syndrome' and Wikipedia has this definition: 'A queen bee is the leader of a female group, a clique's leader, usually a popular lady. Characteristics often associated to her are a pleasant appearance, charisma, skill in manipulation, and monetary power. She is sometimes portrayed as the Head Cheerleader, Prom Queen, Homecoming Queen, etc. The queen bee has substantial influence and power over the clique, and is usually envied and looked upon as a role model by clique members and at times by outsiders to the clique. Her actions are closely followed and imitated, even though they may not be of a positive nature. The social role of the outcast is defined as anyone that the queen bee dislikes. Clique members may victimize the outcast in order to continue their membership in the clique, or to receive praise from the queen bee.'


Why do some women feel the need to prove themselves slimmer, smarter, more attractive or successful than others? It is a question that still puzzles me after almost a decade in this work. However I do see certain commonalities amongst people in this group. Firstly, they seem to have a high need for significance and also a high need to prove themselves to the world.

If you have been on the receiving end of this behaviour it can be very painful as it seems to have no basis in fact or reality is driven purely by emotional greed. This can be difficult in a business relationship as these kinds of emotions can be highly destructive, not just to the individual but to everybody involved.

If you know or are involved with a Queen Bee, the best thing you can do is continue to work on yourself so that you can rise above it.

Remember what Jim Rohn once said 'work harder on yourself than you do on your job' and in that way other peoples negativity will just float over your head.

This blog will be a little philosophical....no don't go away, there is an important lesson here for me and maybe for some of you too!

If you are following me on Face book you will know that, on Saturday, I had a fit of spontaneity ...the sun was shining and the Sea was calling, so rubber hit road and off we went to Brighton!

However, it turned out to be a remarkable journey because almost every 5 miles there was a car crash. Crashes appeared to be happening for no apparent reason...no ice, no rain, no snow...just random and spontaneous events. If you believe in energy cycles you would put it down to the waxing and/or waning of the moon.

Then, today, I heard that one of my best and oldest friends had been involved in a serious car accident and so I went to see her. The experience of seeing an old friend in shock and pain left me shocked too ...the sort of shock that makes you re-evaluate and celebrate your life and hug your kids.

Before seeing my friend this morning I had done two hours planning. If you attended my web presentation last week - Grab Your Future by the Horns - you will know that I am a firm believer in planning and staying focused. My plan had been to do 4 hours work before Monday morning. BUT ...the 'shock' of my friends crash was threatening to eclipse all plans.

I had an interesting conversation with my inner voice that went something like this 'sod the work...friends and family are all that matter, work isn't important' but 'work is important ...there are people who like to read my blog' and then 'so, I dont care, I don't want to do it, I want a glass of wine instead and to carry on feeling sad and shocked'

But then I remembered what I had told the delegates in the web conference last week ..'if I get into every' ...wait for it, these were my exact words 'emotional car crash with those I love (especially with 3 teenagers), I will never move ahead.'

So it was with reticence (and a glass of wine) that I sat down to write this blog. I hope that by doing so it has helped you too, to remain on track, ....even when the emotional car crashes are frequent.

My work has been a gift this evening. A poem from 'Guramayi' springs to mind:

I held a moment in my hand,
brilliant as a star,
fragile as a flower,
a tiny sliver of one hour.
I dripped it carelessly,
Oh God, I knew not, I held opportunity

And remember that the emotional car crashes will be more frequent for the female brain because of the way it is wired!

With passion!
Tracey

The seventh tool for increasing effectiveness is to tear up the rule book. I believe that this is imperative at this time for women in leadership because the world is calling for a new model of leadership that includes women. That doesn't mean that the world wants women to lead like a 'bloke in a skirt' but requests that we own our powerful feminine force. That means being authentic and true to yourself.

So ...tear up the rule book, look for new ways to do things and lead with a feminine set of skills, traits and abilities that include collaboration, using intuition, communicating with your team and using a transformational leadership style instead of a transactional one.

This may be harder to achieve than it sounds because women face the 'double bind' which is that you will be damned if you do and damned if you don't. In other words - if you are directive and transactional you might be called too 'ballsy' and if you are collaborative and transformational you might be called too 'soft' This double bind only appears for women as a man might be called a good leader if he is direct and strong. She can't win either way and it is women as well as men who will condemn her if she 'gets it wrong'.

So what do you do? Decide who you are and plan who you want to be as well as what you want to do. Wite yourself a set of promises and goals and find an accountability partner.

Navigating the seas of politics will be easier when you accept that the Leaders' job is to set and maintain the culture. Remember - leading is about being in front and that means that there isn't anybody to follow.

If all of this sounds too conceptual then measure and assess the culture by how people are talking to each other - are they bitching and back biting or are they supportive and goal orientated?

If it is the former then you must go about tearing up the rule book and find ways to work on the culture using your femine strengths of intuition, communication, collaboration and honesty. Work on the culture until it is what it needs to be for you all to grow together.

If enough women did this we might just have a chance of making the change that the world is calling for.

With Passion!
Tracey

Sorry folks .. the 12th February is a Friday and my email addy is tracey@eve-olution.net ....blogging late on a Sunday, night tut tut :-)